After working very hard to be a "spiritual" person my entire life, studying everything from wicca to ceremonial magic to esoteric christianity to shamanism, and worshipping the Mother and the Father in many aspects, including being a devotee of Ammachi, it all came crashing down in Oct 2004. I no longer make any attempt to be "spiritual". I feel that working to be or become more "spiritual" is an attempt on the part of the ego to feel like it is special and good, and to fuel a constructed belief that it understands what it is, or what is going on.

I no longer feel like I have any idea what is going on, or what I am for that matter. I don't think any thing in the universe does. And, I'm relaxing into that more and more each day.

I know that everything is one, and that I am you, and you are me. We all arise from the same essence. We are all expressions of that essence in a seemingly material form.

I read the words of buddha, zen masters and others who seem to be awake and clear, such as Adyshanti and Eckhart Tolle, and I do zazen on a fairly regular basis, but I would not call myself "zen buddhist". That wouldl just be another label. My aim is to always be fully present in this moment, and face it as openly, vulnerably, and fearlessly as I can.

That's all I think any of us can do.